Real Life Parenting

Early childhood, Before high school : English language proficiency

2011-09-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

When the time came for Rania to enter primary school, my husband and I chose to enroll her into Al Jabr Islamic School, a bilingual school (Indonesian - English) which adopts the IB curriculum.The school currently consists of Pre-Kindergarten, Kindergarten, SD (Primary school) and SMP (Junior High School). Its location is in Pondok Labu, Jakarta Selatan.

Just in the first two months of school, I was already prompted twice with a question about my expectation with regard to Rania’s education. On the first occasion, which was during the school admission interview with the school master, I answered that I wanted my child to :

be able to speak English fluently like her sister (Ninta) who sat in year 11 in an international school at that time
be a good moslem
be a good child just like any other child who could play along with friends, obey rules, etc.

The second person who asked me similar question was the school owner (Mrs. Hjh Uchu Riza) whom I met by chance while I was sitting in the school entrance area recently. I automatically answered to her that I wanted Rania to be able to speak English fluently.

Why did I have to put emphasize on English language? Mrs Uchu herself spoke up for me. Later on that day, she confirmed to me that English language proficiency was essential so as to have a good career path in the future.

I had another chance to conclude goals for Rania. Yesterday, Rania - both of her class teachers – and I participated in a three way conference held in the school main hall. I listed four areas for Rania to put focus on for a year ahead :

English daily conversation skill
Making up story skill in Bahasa Indonesia
Memorizing one short surah every month
Practicing the five-time prayers.

Al Jabar School is quite far from our house. In order to get to there, Rania and I must start driving before 6.30 am and since the traffic around Pondok Labu is quite crowded (well…so is all around Jakarta, isn’t is?), I don’t return home after dropping Rania off. That means I have approximately seven hours before the school finishes at 2.00 pm. How do I spend my time aside from doing groceries and enjoying some rare occation like eating out with old friends ? I choose to :

read various interesting books
read and answer incoming emails
do some crochet work
write blogs' posts
and the most important task : prepare worksheets on numerous grade 1 and grade 6 subjects for Rania as well as Aqmal to do every night ........ especially on English subject !

Developing a spiritual life: It's a complicated world

2011-03-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

It's a complicated world. Illegal things could happen right in front of our eyes and there's nothing we can do except pray.

Rania wasn't born yet when I worked for a small group of smart people led by someone whom I knew very well. Their office was located not far from where I lived. They also offered flexible working hours. So it's supposed to be a very convenient job. What I had to do was coordinate activities of purchasing firms that were targeted by clients. It wasn't a very difficult task, but I realized later on that this kind of business, which involved big amounts of bribery, was illegal. Luckily I didn't stay there for long, not more than two months. I didn't even want to think about cashing the cheque they gave me.
It's a terrible world ...particularly before the Corruption Eradication Commission / KPK was formed!

Years later, my husband and his only sister inherited a piece of land from their late father, a kindhearted person whom I respected very much. That land was located in Pekan Baru, Sumatera, a very far city located on a different island from where we live now. My husband's family used to live there but it was a very long time ago. It became an abandon land though there was a small family whom was permitted by my late father-in-law to raise a little house and live there for the time being.
My husband's family wanted to sell the land. A difficult problem arose as that family refused to leave. I already watched enough TV news about policemen expelling people from the land that they illegally occupied by force. So when my husband had a thought to hire policemen for the same purpose, I had to speak out against it.
At the end, a better solution was agreed by donating of a portion of the land for those illegal inhabitants. It didn't stop there. That family still demanded for a slightly wider piece of land. What a crazy world!

I wrote this post at midnight while I couldn't sleep and really needed to pray. I would pray for a better world for my children to live in. I would also pray a special prayer for Alanda Kariza, a very young, brave and talented Indonesian girl whose mother was facing financial difficulties as well as a very serious lawsuit .

The following paragraph, which was quoted from her blog, made my tears drop :
"......I can live with that. I’m willing to work part time, do internships, and work my ass off to publish more and more books if it would help my parents, especially my mother. Although I don’t have my own car and I can’t shop luxurious stuff just like my friends do, I’m happy, and I’m willing to live like that....Even if I have to let Indonesian Youth Conference go, even if I have to work hard 24/7 to live without having to ask for allowances from my mother… I’m willing to do so ..."

Get prepared my children, be a very cautious person. Be tough too. It's a really complicated world out there...

Early childhood: A simple way to teach young children to read

2011-02-01T06:22:00.000-08:00

Rania had known the alphabets since long (click here to read previous post about "Alphabets and Numbers") and at around the age of five, I began to teach her to read.

She had many books, including some free books from a publishing house located in my neighborhood:

"Membaca cepat dengan metode fonik" (= learn to read with Fonik Method)

Author: Sumarti M Thahir

Publisher: Aku Anak Saleh

We used the above books for a few times. The way I taught my little girl reading was far from formal. I didn't set a strict schedule. Whenever Rania asked me to read a book, then that's the perfect moment.

I also looked for easier ways to teach my child reading. One technique that we implemented more often was by using her favorite story books : the princesses story books. Rania demanded me to read her the books several times a day. She decided which one to read. Then we sat together side by side on the floor.

While I read her the story, I took a few simple syllables from each page. I pointed at them, spelled them, read them and asked Rania to repeat after me loudly:

P A : PA

D A : DA

S U : SU

This method appeared to be more interesting for her and we continued such simple reading activity every day for several months.

I set a regular study schedule once Rania was five years old and four months. From simple syllables, she could easily read various words with four-letters such as listed below. She started to learn to write too, firstly by writing her own full name in capital letters.

Papa

Mama

Bibi

Mimi

Titi
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Mami

Papi

Sapu

Bisa

Kota

Her daily exercises within the next two months were to continue reading different words such as the above and write them in a combination of capital and small letters.

At the beginning of December 2010, unfortunately I became very busy. The Taxation report 2010 for Syamsi Dhuha Foundation had to be processed. My maid also planned to get married very soon so she stopped working and went back to her village. Therefore I decided to take Rania to a nearby writing-reading-counting course (kursus calistung) for two months. Rania attended a one-hour calistung course every day from Monday to Friday and showed a lot of progress. Her reading lessons were:

words with five-letters:

Pohon

Sawah

Lutut

Salah

Mohon

Pisah

Susah

Lebah

Rumah

Kasar

words with "ng" and "ny" :

Buang

Siang

Bunga

Singa

Pelangi

Menyanyi

Menyiram

More complex words and sentences:

Membuang

Memdorong

Membungkus

Merangkak

Ayah pergi ke kantor

Paman suka membaca

Ibu membeli sayur

By the end of January 2011 Rania was already five and a half years old. She was able to slowly read almost all Indonesian words. Her writing and counting skills also improved. What I had to do next was to give her daily practice of reading and writing not only in Bahasa Indonesia but also in English at home.

High school: Leadership

2010-12-10T22:30:00.000-08:00

Since two years ago, whenever I remember Ninta, the word leadership appears on my mind constantly. I've really wanted her to develop her sense of leadership.

As we all know leadership is associated with being responsible, being accountable, having compassion towards others and a capability to inspire people, but to me, there is another leadership quality which is more important, namely "taking action". Why do I have to put emphasize on this feature more than the others? Other leadership qualities can wait and develop later, but this one cannot!!! I guess, parents with teenage children elsewhere could understand the reason why.

Youth is so precious. It's the phase when our vitality and brain power develop rapidly. We surely don't want our teenage children to waste this period or fill it by merely focusing on their physical appearance. They have to take more actions. There are lots of productive things to do out there! Things that will make them smarter, wiser and more useful people later on.

After her essay passed the first elimination process, Ninta had to go through further steps of Paramadina Universitas and the Jakarta Post Nationwide News Article Writing Competition 2010 which consisted of a two-day writing workshop and an interview. Her other articles were also published on Student News Action Network's site and the Jakarta Post. She also registered herself for the International Award Challenge through her school, besides continued maintaining her blog and another website dedicated for abacus arithmetic teaching. Later on, her teacher scheduled her to attend a writing seminar. It could help Ninta fulfill her CAS hour requirement and was also useful for networking purposes as explained by the teacher. Unfortunately that seminar coincided with one of IFL's activities. Ninta started to join IFL (the Indonesian Future Leaders) a year ago when she was still in year 10 (kelas 1 SMA).

"So, finally you've chosen to attend the plenary meeting of IFL and not the writing seminar proposed by your teacher this coming Sunday?" I said to Ninta once we met. "Yes, IFL is more potential and it includes leadership", she answered. That made me feel relieved.

Ninta's still very young and she doesn't live with us but there's nothing to worry about. I know that she's on the right direction!!!

Good habit : Keep antioxidants handy at home!!!

2010-10-09T03:54:00.000-07:00

Ninta's school is far from our home, about 19 km away, but close to my parents' house where she has been staying since July 2009. It takes quite an effort for me to get there, in terms of all the preparation that has to be made very early in the morning.

The school held a parent information meeting on a course in the International Baccalaureate Diploma Program called Theory of Knowledge yesterday. I had to wake up earlier than usual to iron my clothes, cook a small portion of meal for Rania, serve antioxidants for the family and start driving towards the toll road at 6.15.

As always, I felt grateful for being able to get up that early and enjoy the fresh morning air. I would never stop hoping that someday Jakarta's air could be this wonderful all day long. A ridiculous dream? Most probably yes. That's why I have to arm myself and the family with powerful antioxidants to fight against pollution.

My choices are always cheap despite their excellent health benefits:

We consume juice of a half lime dilluted in a glass of water first thing in the morning which is good for:

Preventing mouth ulcer formation. Unlike most animals that can synthesize their own vitamin C (an important antioxidant), humans lack an enzyme necessary for such synthesis and must obtain vitamin C through their diet. Limes (Citrus angustifolia) are rich in Vitamin C and available all year round. In Indonesia, they are more expensive than lemons.
Maintaining a healthy liver. Lime juice in a glass of water can help cleanse the liver. There are many on-line sources that explain the benefit of lime juice in reducing the level of toxicity in the liver.

Crackers with tomato paste spread in the morning and evening. Lycopene in a tomato gives its deep red color and is responsible for its antioxidant property. It is good for maintaining healthy skin, besides reducing the risk of cancer and strokes. Lycopene in tomato paste is four times more bio-available than in fresh tomatoes.
Spinach soup. Spinach is rich in antioxidants (vitamin A, vitamin C and vitamin E). It is good for your eyes. It also contains high fiber which is necessary in order to avoid constipation.
A cup of green tea
Soybean powder drink
Turmeric herbal drink. This is one among many Indonesian traditional drinks (jamu), made of tumeric and palm sugar. Turmeric has other health benefits (preventing alzheimer's desease and certain types of cancer) besides its antioxidant property.

Turmeric (kunyit) herbal drink from Serambi Botani

Fresh turmeric leaves and rhizome are widely used as cooking spices in Indonesia. The rhizome is also very effective for cleansing raw fish before cooking in order to get rid of its fishy smell. What about jamu? Various kinds of jamu were initially consumed only by the Javanese royalty at the Hinduism palaces in Surakarta and Yogyakarta more than a thousand of years ago. Now, jamu has widespread and we can find jamu sellers - women only - carrying a pack of bottles on their back around streets of Jakarta. They usually wear kebaya and batik. However lately many of them prefer casual clothes and go around on bike. Instant jamu from various leading brands are also available in many shops.

My favorite turmeric herbal drink is the one produced by Taman Syifa for Serambi Botani/IPB, certainly not because I'm an IPB alumnus. This jamu has a unique sweet taste unlike the taste of jamu anywhere else. It uses special sugar, not the ordinary palm sugar we keep at home.

High school: New York University Abu Dhabi

2010-08-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

My husband and I came to the Indonesian International Education Foundation at Menara Imperium (Kuningan - Jakarta) and enjoyed a comprehensive presentation on New York University Abu Dhabi last week.

It was the first day of the fasting month. We came with lots of curiosity and got back home with all the answers we needed.

Here are some important notes about NYU Abu Dhabi which may be helpful for high school seniors who will graduate soon and are looking around for college information :

in November 2009, John Sexton (the fifteenth President of New York University) was named as one of 10 Best College Presidents by Time magazine.
NYUAD is the first comprehensive liberal arts and science campus in the Middle East to be operated abroad by a major American research university
NYUAD awards the Bachelor of Arts and the Bachelor of Science degrees.
English is the language of instruction
NYUAD curriculum offers 19 majors in Arts, Humanities, Social Science, Science and Engineering, five multidisciplinary concentrations, core curriculum and capstone projects. A minimum of 36 courses in total is required to graduate.

Students must complete courses in their major field.
Students can choose one among five multidisciplinary concentrations (i.e Interactive Media and Technology, The Ancient World, The Arab Crossroad, The Environment, Urbanization) no later than the fifth semester and are required to take 4 courses. Multidisciplinary concentrations are one of the ways the curriculum supports work across disciplines and engages students to think about complex subjects from multiple perspectives.
Students are also required to take 8 courses in the core curriculum which is divided in four areas: Pathways of World Literature; Structures of Thought and Society; Art, Technology and Invention; and Ideas and Methods of Science. The Core Curriculum includes one Writing Intensive Core course and will provide in-depth focus on oral and written expressions.
Students are also required to take 2 courses in Physical Education and can choose from a variety of individual or team sports at the intramural or externally competitive levels (depending on skill level), lifetime sport instruction (such as golf or tennis), or fitness classes (such as aerobics or Pilates). The Physical Education graduation requirement includes the completion of two 7-week sessions of participative athletic activity. Students will complete this requirement within their first two years.
During the fourth year, students will produce a Capstone Project, which may be either an individual or team project. The capstone project is a demanding, year-long endeavor aiming at a significant piece of research or creative work-a historical narrative, musical composition, performance, invention, documented experiment, scholarly thesis, or other form appropriate to the student's goals. The capstone project maybe completed in either the multidisciplinary concentration or the major. At the end of the school year, the students will present their capstone work at a university-wide celebration of their creative achievements, as they prepare to graduate from NYUAD.
Students are also free to choose general electives across the curriculum, including up to 3 courses in seven pre-professional tracks (i.e Business and Organizational Studies, Education, Journalism, Law, Leadership and Social Entrepreneurship, Museum Studies, Premedical and Health Studies) and elective courses outside the NYUAD majors. These courses provide students significant opportunities to take courses outside their majors and are often taught by scholars from NYU New York who specialize in areas not offered as majors at NYUAD, such as anthropology, linguistics, and religion.

NYUAD drew more than 9,000 applicants and accepted fewer than 200 for its new 2010 class
Admission to NYUAD is highly selective. Students will be admitted based on the overall strength of their application, including academic excellence, extra-curricular activities, recommendations, and a demonstrated interest in global citizenship, service, and leadership.
The NYUAD admissions process is "need-blind.", which means that admissions decisions will be made without knowledge of a student’s level of financial need.

Early childhood: Learn from the animal world

2010-07-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

God create animals for the benefit of human beings. We can get inspiring teaching methods derived from the animal world too. One easy way is through animal story books and films which are very easy to find. My children know almost all common animals, other than cats, dogs, chickens, birds, house lizards and certain insects that are many in our neighborhood, from books and films too.

Ninta was quite 'lucky'. When she was small (Aqmal and Rania weren't born yet), our family was like those typical new families with small children who believed that family outings were the best way of introducing new experiences to the children.
We took her to Taman Safari Indonesia in Puncak several times where there used to be a polar bear in a transparent water pool with its icy surrounding. I can still remember vividly that Ninta stood not far from me while I carried one of her younger cousins right next to the high transparent wall of the pool to see the big animal swam around.
We frequently spent a night at Anyer beach and of course swam there too.
We let Ninta rode on horse back in Bandung and visited Ragunan Zoological Park and Bandung Zoo.

Aqmal's only visits to Taman Safari Indonesia and the Ragunan Zoological Park were during his school excursions when he's in 4th grade (every one else in his class had already been to those places before) cause we didn't go out much anymore, except for a trip to Bali and Lombok once.

Rania has never been to any of those places even until now. My husband and I are getting older and hence non-adventurous destinations are more suitable for us now. Luckily, we have a lot of books at home.

"Nature in Danger" of the Childcraft series is one of Rania's favorite books. I keep the book (along with the others within the Childcraft series) with special care and let Rania take it whenever she wants it. She will then bring the book from one room to another, open its pages and ask me to read it together several time every day.

I find the book - together will Rania's other animal story books - very helpful in explaining various topics :

animals under threat of extinction
mammals
animals that lay eggs
their food
their habitats: rain forest, savanna, dessert etc
how to avoid certain animals from extinction
sounds of different animals

I'm aiming not only at her intellectual and physical development but her social and emotional education too, by focusing on certain pictures such as pictures of a baby orang utan carried by its mother or a baby blue whale swims closely to its mother. I hug Rania closely in my arms and answer her queries promptly.

I sometimes continue the book reading activity with making an animal paper origami. Rania will play and talk with the paper animal by herself. This way she does not get bored with one specific book easily. I made these two whales by following an online origami tutorial

Whale paper origami

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The animal world is full of fascination, especially for young children!

Early childhood: let the children control their emotion

2010-06-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

Being unable to take Angkita's balloon, Jasmine turned to the third innocent girl and grabbed her balloon away. -

Ninta told me the story in a funny way ten years later and we laughed together. She further explained that she actually wanted to cry too once her balloon was stolen from her. However, she decided to hold back her tears. "I cried but only in my heart at that time cause I didn't want to be like my two friends quarreling and crying out loudly".

A little child is capable to control his or her emotion. I think, it's important that parents guide their children step by step to be able to think logically rather than crying when something unpleasant happen to them.

There were also some occasions when Ninta's little sister - Rania - requested for new toys which I didn't agree while we were in a mall. How did I stop her from repeatedly asking me to buy new toys for her?

I once asked her to check together the price of the toys, then I simply explained to her that the toys were expensive. I kept on talking to her:

"...If we buy that toy, we will not have any money left..."

"...We still have to buy food for tomorrow, right?...."

and so on until the little girl finally agreed.

What's your life mission?

2010-05-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

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All cells in our body undergo biological aging process at different rates and - in the end - death is inevitable. Our life spans have limits. The connection between telomerase shortening mechanism, aging process and lifespan limits has been uncovered. Death is not that mysterious anymore.

There are many spiritual books which also tell us that every human being has his own mission in this world. Once the ultimate mission is accomplished, then that person’s life is getting near its end too. That’s why I feel that I must identify my own mission too.

Because of the simple life I have now, my most crucial goal is clearer. I have three children to raise and guide to their own future.

Therefore, I’ve set my own lifespan: till the age of 65. That’s plan A and I also have plan B in case my above mission is not accurate and I die sooner.

I picture my three children by the time I reach 65 years old as follows:

Ninta, whom will be 35 years old, will most probably already be a wife and working mother
Aqmal , about 30 years old, will already have his own life and career
Rania will just have graduated from university ... and that's it....she's my final mission.

Plan A is not a secret. Ninta and Aqmal know it. They have to understand facts about life and death and I want them to be able to step by step identify their life missions too.

What's plan B?
This blog is a part of it. I've told Ninta to refer to this blog whenever she has a problem in her future life. I hope she will advise Aqmal and Rania the same thing when they have grown bigger.

I use a different approach for Aqmal as he is still very young at the moment.
That time in December 2008, Rania had been ill for more than a week and I became sick too, most probably due to lacking of sleep. I had high fever. How did I feel? Did I feel miserable? No, I enjoyed my condition. It's the perfect time to give my son, Aqmal, a lesson.
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Aqmal was playing a computer game. I lied down on the bed next to him.
I said : "Aqmal...I'm sick...very sick..."
Aqmal: "Hmmm..."
I replied: "Mal...I think I'm dying..."
Aqmal: "Hmmm..."
I replied: "I'm dying..."
Aqmal: "No, you're not ...you're just sick, but you're fine..."
I replied: "I'm dying..."
Aqmal: "But you said you'd die at 60's"
I replied: "I'm dying now...Please promise me that you'll take care of Rania and not make her cry anymore..."
Aqmal: "Hmmm..."
I replied: "Aqmal...I'm dying...Will you take care of Rania, if I'm not around anymore?"
Aqmal (finally): "Yap..."

The high fever lasted for three days and gave me a change to repeat the same dialogues with Aqmal for several times. I needed to make sure that he got my message. I wanted him to be a good brother for Rania...in case I die young...!

Early childhood: I'm defensif about not sending Aqmal to kindergarten

2010-04-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

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Aqmal, my second child, approached someone and asked a question:"Apakah Bapak kenal Bp Iwan?" (Do you know Mr. Iwan)
Mr. Adhyaksa Daud (the Minister of Youth and Sports of Indonesia at the time) answered:"Ya, kamu siapanya Bp Iwan?" (What's your relationship with him)
Aqmal answered:"Dia bapak saya" (He's my father)

The above conversation happened when Mr. Daud came to pick up his daughter, Fahira, a few days ago. Fahira is in the same class with Aqmal in grade 3. Mr Daud and my husband were also classmates while they were still in junior high school in a different school.
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I didn't send Aqmal to kindergarten. Some friends told me that if Aqmal didn't attend kindergarten, he wouldn't have a chance to socialize with other children around his age and it might lead to a social interaction problem in the future.

I have my own reasons :

Some children are not easy to wake up early in the morning. I let little Aqmal sleep as long as he wanted. He would then wake up by himself happily, and was ready to explore another exciting day with me.
I never left him alone. We played toy cars, three wheeled bicycle and even barbie house collections. We cut and pasted pictures. He asked me to make drawings. We watched animations films together. I fed him while he played computer games.
I showed him the normal interactions between (adult) people. I took him to meet my friends. I brought him along to Ninta's school. We visited my parents, my parents in law and other relatives. I was invited to wedding parties, birthday parties, family gatherings and he came along with me.
I created warm and joyful atmosphere at home. Our home was never quiet even though there were only two adults (the maid and me) and two children (Aqmal and his elder sister) before my husband came home at night. Luckily, the maid was a type of person who loved being around young children. The maid and I often sat together on the floor to watch TV together while the children run and jumped around or lied down to rest on our legs.
I collect books including children's books and keep various toys properly. As we all know books and toys are good for stimulating young children's mind.

The above conversation between Mr. Daud and Aqmal was a proof that Aqmal is no different from other children. I'm also happy that I have lots of sweet memories about Aqmal's childhood, the ones I barely had with Ninta. I'm having another set of beautiful life episodes with Rania now. I will enjoy my time with her as much as possible and most likely not send her to kindergarten either.

Preserving our culture, Supporting the community, Good habits: Choose local products, not imported ones

2010-03-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

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I envy countries where peaches grow. I enjoy the soft, juicy and fresh taste of peaches while my mind takes pleasure in relating their bright yellow color with the benefits of antioxidant.

This kind of fruit is also exported to Indonesia, immersed in liquid syrup and packed into can. However I just can’t consider ‘canned fruit’ as fruit any more nor I will spend money on imported fruit whereas I have alternative products grown by local farmers.

As a matter of fact, there is a far better option: mango. It is everybody’s favorite fruit and has its own place in our culture.

At this time of year, mangoes are piling up every where!!!

All varieties of mangoes: harum manis (yellow, juicy and tasty flesh), gedong gincu (orange color, irrisistable smell plus superb taste), golek (less juicy, mild taste), kweni (smaller shape, mix taste of sweet and sour), indramayu (dry flesh that makes it good for ‘rujak’).
Rujak is a part of our culture, which is a traditional dish made of all sort of different fruits, sliced or coarsely smashed, served with sweet and spicy peanut gravy.

There were also a few times when I planned to make mango pudding like the one my grand mother used to make, but my husband always disagreed. "It’s better to eat the fresh ones," he always said.

Just before the end of year, still in the rainy season, mango will be replaced by other famous seasonal fruits: rambutan and lengkeng.

Rambutan is famous because of it’s rambut (=hair) and also its fresh taste and richness in vitamin C. It’s also cheap cause it has to be sold fast. Why? Unlike mango, which is usually picked before it ripes, you may not harvest rambutan too early and once rambutan already arrives at local markets, it will last not more than five days before its beautiful red hairy skin turns to awfully black.
No wonder we are also attracted to buy rambutans in bulk. This way we can enjoy eating them day by day. However on precisely the third day, we are forced to finish the rest of them otherwise they will all be rotten.

We are also blessed with all species of unseasonal fruit through out the year.

The most popular one is banana (pisang). My parents in law’s big familiy loves pisang raja (first rate banana variety with green skin; raja means king), my eldest daughter prefers pisang raja serai (has a very mild sour taste), meanwhile my choice is pisang ambon (netral taste, yellow skin).
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pisang raja

Sometimes I also buy pisang nangka (becomes very sweet when it ripes while its green skin turns black) for making pies or simply dip it it boiling water to get healthy breakfast.

Sudden guests arrive? Just serve banana fritters : whole pieces of banana or cut in two, dipped in flour batter then deep fried. The key lies on the flour batter. Good flour batter makes good coating, when combined with the sweet taste of pisang nangka and served while still warm, hmmm….!

Don't forget about our other traditional meal: kolak. Which banana is best for kolak ? Pisang tanduk of course! This variety looks like a long horn of an animal. Send a bowl of kolak (cuts of banana and sweet potatoes in coconut milk and palm sugar soup) to neighbors! A simple way to preserve our culture and to be courteous as well!

What do I make for close relatives? There are still countless unseasonal fruits available for this purpose. I usually add slices of jackfruit into the regular recipe of klappertart (a pie filled with sweet dough and slices of very young coconut flesh). I will also prepare fruit cocktail (small round cuts of almost all kinds of fresh fruit served in simple syrup). They require quite a lot of work but never fail!
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There are 46 million farmers in Indonesia. Half of them still live in poverty. Let's pay more attention to them, our own community, by choosing local products!

No home without good meals: Salmon soup, Baked omelet, Meat in sauce ala Padang

2010-02-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

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Each of us in the family has different ideas about tasty food.

My husband cannot consider a meal with minimal herbs and spices as appetizing. On the contrary, Ninta enjoys simple but healthy menu very much. Sweet and non-rice meals are more Aqmal's favorites, meanwhile Rania has become a picky eater lately and caused me slight headaches. That makes me the only one in the family who eat everything.

It's especially hard to satisfy everybody during ramadhan (the fasting month). After 12-14 hours of fasting, you want something that tastes perfect in your mouth, not just an ordinary meal.

I've selected three easy-to-make main dishes for a day:

This Salmon soup is for Ninta (and Rania as well):

Ingredients: salmon fillet, 5 pieces of lemongrass, 5 or more lime leaves (tear them up), salt, 1 teaspoon of sesame oil.

How to make:

boil water in a pan
Add lemongrass and lime leaves. Keep the water boiled for another 2-3 minutes
Add fish, salt and sesame oil
Serve it with warm rice.

Can other types of fish be used for this recipe? I don't think so. Salmon has unique meat texture: very tender so that you can feel it melts on your tongue. Other fish requires stronger mixture of herbs.
For Aqmal: Baked omelet

Ingredients: 6-7 eggs, 250ml plain milk, 5 slices of white bread, 2 tbs sugar, 2 tbs strawberry jam, 100 ml strawberry milk

How to make:

mix white egg until stiff
using a mixer blend yellow egg with sugar, then add milk
cut bread into small cubes
combine the above ingredients in a shallow pan, then bake in the oven
strawberry sauce: heat strawberry jam and strawberry milk over low heat until smooth
Pour the sauce over the omelet.

For my husband: daging saus padang (meat in sauce ala Padang) :

Ingredients: 250 gr of sliced meat, 8 pieces of shallot, 4 pieces of garlic, 1 - 2 tbs chili paste (cabe giling), a small portion of ginger, salt, a small portion of tamarind, 2 cups of water and 1 cup of light coconut milk.

How to make:

mince shallot, garlic and ginger, then saute them.
add water and let it boil
add meat, chili paste, tamarind, and salt
cook the meat until it becomes tender
add water if necessary
add coconut milk at the very last step of cooking and let it boil
serve meat with warm rice

High school: Choosing a school overseas event

2010-01-17T06:36:00.000-08:00

Part 1

Ninta's school offered its year 10 students several outing events for the year of 2010. We had to decide which of the programs was the best for Ninta :

We narrowed down the choices into two :

A tour to China
A four-day congress in Singapore

A decision was made quite easily. Ninta's focus was not merely on a pure pleasure trip, neither was my husband's nor mine.

On Jan 14th 2010, Ninta flew to Singapore to attend Harvard Model Congress Asia. It is a global conference where international students from various Asia countries learn and experience government while acting as officials in the United States government.

Ninta was certainly not traveling abroad alone. Five other students (out of around 80 students) plus a teacher were going too.

These were what the whole family prepared before she left:

reading materials about Argentinian trade. Ninta's grandfather worked hard to help her understand the basic concepts that she needed to know and supplied her with relevant articles.
3 pairs of women suit (blazers, shirts and trousers)
traveling iron
some extra money

My husband and I had simple hopes. We wanted that the congress would give our daughter:

new learning experiences
closeness with those of her five school friends (Ninta was still a new student after all)
new friends from various countries

Part 2

Ninta chose to go to the Model United Nations at Georgetown University in Qatar the following year. This time she went with four other students and a teacher.

We gathered together at a fast-food restaurant at the Soekarno-Hatta airport : Ninta's brother and sister, my husband and myself, the teacher, the other students and some of their parents. Ninta had seemingly become a young girl with great self confidence. Nothing appeared to bother her although she stayed up all night long to finish an assignment, fell asleep at dawn for several hours, began packing at 12.00 noon, then left the house at 14.00.

Ninta's luggage nearly reached 20 kgs. That's why I advised her to write down stories of her five-day journey as a souvenir for me, instead of buying me a scarf as she previously planned.

Have a nice trip!

Early childhood: Alphabets and numbers

2009-12-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

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Young children around me whom I know quite well, learn the alphabets and numbers without difficulty. The little girl, who lives across from our house, managed to recognize letters from A to Z when she was still two years old. So did Rania.

Special thanks to Ayuta (my nephew) for giving us such an entertaining way to learn the alphabets. We inherited a little desk from Ayuta and it has been in our house for 15 years now. Ninta was the first one who inherited it, then we passed it on to Aqmal, and to Rania subsequently.

What's so special about the desk? It's just an ordinary bench with a table, but it also has a list of alphabets and numbers on its top surface.

When Rania was about two years old, she used to climb up the table. Her little fingers would point to each of the letters and numbers, then asked me to spell them. She would do it again and again every day.
A few days later, I tested her. I spelled an alphabet or a number first then asked her to show me which one it was. She passed!!!

Two years afterward, Rania still loves her desk though she never climbs it up anymore. She sits on the chair nicely. I often sit next to her and use the desk together to do our home learning activities. We color, draw, play, paste stickers or read.

We also listened to the The ABC song. It became Rania's favorite song and can be downloaded from youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XEN4vtH4Ic
or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fw3l1z9CUQ&NR=1

Indonesian food: vegetable soup and fried tofu

2009-11-30T17:41:00.000-08:00

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Vegetable soup and fried tofu are most common homemade meals in Jakarta. We often have these meals at our home too.

The soup has carrots, potatoes, cabbage and snow peas in it. Lots of people also add cauli flowers, broccoli, green peas, tofu, mushroom or meatballs (bakso). That's why this food is ideal for small children.

We also need beef or chicken stock besides vegetables. I prefer lean meat, but my mother usually prepares meat with more fat every time her grandchildren come to visit her.

Meat with fat will of course make a more delicious soup. My mother will only need to add chopped and fried garlic, crushed white pepper and salt. My recipe needs more than those three ingredients because of the lean meat that I use.

I need a big cloveof garlic, half tea spoon of white pepper, a piece of nutmeg, four pieces of cloves, a piece of cardamom (kapulaga), cinnamon and ginger. I prefer fresh spices because they have stronger taste as well as smell. More white pepper can be used in order to have a more spicy and tasty soup, but don't forget to grind it first.

I have to boil 500 gram of beef cuts together with the above mentioned spices plus salt until the beef becomes tender. The amount of water should be just enough to immerse the beef and later on the vegetables too. Then, I'll add cuts of carrots and potatoes. The other vegetables follow afterwards. Finally, sprinkle the soup with chopped of fresh tomatoes, leek, celery and fried shallot.

Fried tofu is prepared by deep frying slices of tofu. Choose good quality of tofu. We serve it with sambal kecap which is a mix of kecap manis (sweet soya sauce), chopped chili (rawit), chopped shallot and lemon juice.

Serve soup, fried tofu, sambal kecap while still warm together with white rice..

Count your blessing, Early childhood: Wonderful children are every where around us

2009-10-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

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Is it difficult to educate young children? Apparently not, because I've seen wonderful children every where. They are my source of inspirations...

Someone I know very well, Akang, has two teenage children. He often visits remote villages in the mountainous area of Sukabumi (west Java), his home town. His mission is to distribute charity money that he has collected from a list of his close friends in his office. One day, he decided to adopt a 6 year old girl from one of the villages. The girl is very happy to be able to live with him and never wants to get back to the mountain anymore.

One day, the girl told Akang that she wanted to go to a restaurant, a place she’d never found in the mountain. It’s also one of the places where Akang visits once in a blue moon in his entire modest life. So Akang took the girl to eat out at a street food hawker. She enjoyed the food, took a time to look around and asked a question :” Is this really a restaurant?”. Akang answered: “Yes”.

A street food hawker

My son, Aqmal, was also such a wonderful boy during his pre-school years (I didn't send him to kindergarten). I remembered him as an independent young boy as he always managed to find something to keep himself busy.

At about the age of two, little Aqmal was crazy about toy cars and no wonder every one around him would give him a piece or two pieces of car miniatures. That's why he had a huge collection of them. He also liked to collect pictures of car accessories. I helped him cut pictures from magazines and pasted them over his 'cars'. There was also a time when he loved watching the film "Dare Devil" so much. He watched it over and over again and would ask me to draw the characters he saw in the film. At the age of four, he turned into computer games. It even made my trouble-free life with him a lot easier.

Aqmal entered a primary school at exactly the age of six. My husband and I found a new and promising school not very far from our house. The lady who run a psychology test on Aqmal wrote down on the test report (I read it a few days later) that Aqmal looked as neat as an adult.

On that same day, as the test was still being performed, the school director spotted Aqmal and gave a remark to the father that he could be certain Aqmal was a smart boy by looking into Aqmal's eyes. Then, surprisingly, he sent Aqmal together with the father to the enrollment room and gave an order to enlist Aqmal as their new student right away.

The school director also has a wonderful daughter. The two of them travel a long distance between home and school. The school is in Tebet (Jakarta) and their house is in Sentul area, about 50km away. The only vechicle they have is a motorbike. Every morning, the young girl sits behind her father, hugs his waist from behind and doesn't stop reciting the content of Quran that she has memorized all the way to school!

Count your blessing, Early childhood: A Madam who prefers to be a regular woman

2009-09-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

Someone used to call me ‘Nyi’ (=madam) a long time ago.

Nyi is a Sundanese (west Javanese) language. I’m a true Sundanese because I grew up in Bandung (the capital city of West Java) and my parents as well as my grandparents are Sundaneses too. Though I feel like I’ve lost my culture ever since I got married to my husband, who is from Padang (west Sumatera). He likes only a few Sundanese food, understands a few of the language but cannot speak it, meanwhile I like Padang food but don’t understand the language at all.

That person, who called me 'Nyi', also demanded every one - except expatriates (we worked in a foreign bank’s branch) - to call him ‘Akang' (=brother).
Calling one another ‘Nyi’ or ‘Akang’ is certainly very common all across west Jaya, from small towns along the coastal area of the Indian Ocean in the south like Pangandaran and Sukabumi, to bigger towns in higher land such as Tasikmalaya, Garut, Bogor and Bandung. However we weren’t in one of those towns. We were outside Sunda and our office was located in one of the high and modern buildings on the busiest street of Jakarta where genuine Sundaneses like both of us were very hard to find!

That’s one of my sweetest memories from working time.

I was still working when Ninta attended kindergarten. I quit and stayed home with my two children when my husband asked me to do so. That was when Aqmal was born. However I still left home twice a week to do some other business (I worked voluntarily for Syamsi Dhuha Foundation). After my third child, Rania, was born, I decided to become a full time mother and wife. I have done nothing else except caring for the family and doing the bulk of household chores.

My best friend, Dian Syarief (the founder of Syamsi Dhuha Foundation), could not accept my decision to stay home. She kept on warning me that if I merely stayed home I wouldn't be able to keep myself presentable and updated with latest issues about daily lives.
There's a huge misunderstanding between us. Why would I change into a very different type of person if I stayed home?

Broadly speaking, yes it's true, there's a misleading opinion about stay-home-mothers. What make us, devoted mothers, not as special as working mothers?

I have come to a point that I feel like I have experienced almost everything in life. From being a plain small kid, a teenager with an exciting life, a student with challenging chores, a university graduate finding a job and adapting herself to a whole new work environment, to a career woman who was as busy as a bee trying to balance between work and family tasks.

Now, although my life seems so plain, it is very significant. My only aspiration is to care for the children so that they have a better life in the future. In order to accomplish that I have to keep my self updated (especially on parenting issues) just like every one else. I have to show good way of behaving in front of the children. I have to encourage lots of communication among us. I have to create joyful learning activities at home. In addition, I must always remain active and keep myself passionate to learn new knowledge. There are a great many other things that do not differ me from working mothers.

I have an option to offer the child care job to somebody else: a babysitter or a trained-maid. I used to take this option when I was still working outside the house, but not now for I have become a much suitable person to do the parenting jobs myself. I am happy and I can see that my children are thriving.

With the help of the technology, I will be able to do almost everything from home. I have a lot of things in my mind, things that I will do when children, especially Rania, have grown bigger. No worries at all. The decision to stay home has turned out to be a blessing for me.

High school, Count your blessing : Middle Years Programme of IB

2009-08-01T17:59:00.001-07:00

Ninta is very grateful for winning a scholarship from Global Jaya International School (Bintaro/Tangerang - Indonesia). So are the rest of the family members.

This is going to be a quite long post about Middle Years Programme of the International Baccalaureate which is applied by Ninta's school. The terms "MYP' and 'IB' had been rather mysterious to me even when Ninta had already been studying there for a couple of months ... until the school gave an explanation about them at a meeting for new students' parents the other day.

So here it is...

Ninta currently sits in year 10 (we understand it as kelas 1 SMA) or in the final year of the Middle Years Programme.

MYP or Middle Years Programme is a part of the three programmes developed by International Baccalaureate, a non-governmental organization (NGO) of UNESCO, which aims at developing the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills for students to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world. To this end the IB works with schools, governments and international organizations to develop challenging programmes of international education and rigorous assessment.

IB develops three programmes of international education:

Primary Years Programme, a six year curriculum for pupils aged 3 to 12
Middle Years Programme, a four year curriculum for pupils aged 11 to 16
Diploma Programme, a two-year curriculum for students aged 16 to 19, which leads to final examinations and a qualification that is welcomed by leading universities around the world.

MYP is expressed through three Fundamental Concepts:

intercultural awareness: MYP fosters students' tolerance, respect and empathy in term of multiple cultures and perspectives
holistic learning: this concept encourages students to see the relationship between subject, subject content and the real world
communication: MYP stresses the importance of verbal and non-verbal communication

MYP students are required to study their mother tongue, a second language, humanities, sciences, mathematics, arts, physical education and technology. Students study the eight subject groups through the five areas of interactions (as illustrated by means of an octagon with the five areas of interaction at its centre):

The five areas of interactions are:

approaches to learning: emphasizes the development of student's thinking skills, strategies, attitudes (How do I learn best? How do I know? How do I communicate my understanding?)
community and service: develop student's community awareness and a sense of responsibility through service activities (How do we live in relation to each other? How can I help others? How can I contribute to the community?)
human ingenuity: relates to human creativity and its impact on society (Why and how do we create? What are the consequences?)
environment: concerned with the interdependence of human beings and their environment as well as with sustainable development (What are our environments? What resources do we have/need? What are my responsibilities?)
health and social education: concerned with mental and physical health and the interactions between the students and community (How do I think and act? How am I changing? how can I look after myself and others?)

The eight subject groups available at Global Jaya International School are:

Language A: English and Bahasa Indonesia
Language B: English, Bahasa indonesia, Spanish and Mandarin
Humanities: History, geography and economy
Sciences
Mathematics
Arts
Technology: information technology, food technology, material technology, entrepreneurship (entrepreneurship begins at year 10)
Physical Education: physical education and health

Assessment of process and is carried out on a daily basis. Students are provided with opportunities to analyse their own learning as well as their progress, and to recognize what areas need improvement.
Summative assessment is the judgement made by teacher at the end of a particular task, unit work, or assessment period.
Assessment is both formative and summative. Formative assessment is an important part of the teaching and learning.

All MYP subjects receive final Grades in the range of 1 to 7. The general Grade Descriptors below indicate the achievement required for the awarding of each subject grade.

MYP General Grade Descriptors:

Grade 1 (very poor): minimal achievement in terms of the objectives
Grade 2 (poor): very limited achievement against all objectives
Grade 3 (mediocre): limited achievement against most of the objectives of clear difficulties in some areas.
Grade 4 (satisfactory): a good general understanding of the required knowledge and skills and the ability to apply them in a variety of situations
Grade 5 (good)
Grade 6 (very good)
Grade 7 (excellent): a consistent and thorough understanding of the required knowledge and skills and the ability to apply them, almost faultlessly, in a wide area of situations. Consistent evidence of analysis, systhesis and evaluation is shown where appropriate. The students consistently demonstrates originality and insight and always produces work of high quality.

MYP students are also required to undertake Community and Service activities throughout their study in the MYP. A structure is established to organize and monitor students' activities. The structure is described in the journal (booklet) which should be kept until they have accomplished the final year of MYP. No grades will be awarded to students for fulfilling the requirements but an MYP certificate cannot be awarded unless the requirements are met.
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Year 10 students must also complete a final assignment called the Personal Project, which allows them to demonstrate the understandings and skills they have developed throughout the programme.

Indonesian Food: Pangek Gajeboh

2009-07-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

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"Paying attention to corporeal matters like eating, exercising, and sleep can help you be happier" (Gretchen Rubin).
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Gretchen Rubin - a young woman, lawyer, writer, and currently working on the Happyness Project - lives in New York City.
My mother-in-law, an older generation, lives in Jakarta. She doesn't know her precise date of birth. Her parents wrote down all their seven children's dates of birth on a bedroom door. The door became old and then was removed. When the time came for my mother-in-law to produce an identity card later on, she had to pick a random date and so did all her sisters and brothers.

Gretchen Rubin and my mother-in-law don't know each other, but the two of them share the same principal: eating is an important element of a happy life.
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My-mother-in law is an excellent cook and her big families enjoy her tasty food very much. She's originally from Padang Pariaman, a peaceful area that lies on the coastal side of West Sumatra (Minangkabau) Province. The later is very famous for its unique culture: matriarchal tradition, rumah gadang (rumah=house, gadang=big) and of course excellent cuisine.

There are at least five different meals that my mother-in-law prepares every day. Assisted by two maids, she could easily make fish, shrimp, meat, lamb, chicken, tofu (soya bean cake), tempe (another soya bean based meal) and every thing else into fabulous meals. Allmost all of them are cooked in Minangkabau style: spicy, lots of herbs and often requires coconut milk.
The most adored one is of course rendang (listed as the world's 50 most delicious foods) which is made of meat cuts cooked and stirred for at least four hours until the mixture of coconut milk, herbs, and spices become nearly dry and well blended with the meat. We need persistence, energy and extra time to make rendang.

What Minangkabau food do I make for my husband? I prefer to make something simple and without coconut milk. Pangek gajeboh is the right choice.

I need two medium size tomatoes, four cloves of garlic, eight cloves of shallot, ginger and tumeric about the size of an adult's thumb each, and chili. If you want a more spicy taste, just add more chili. The original recipe also call for a piece of tumeric leave. Grind those ingredients, except tumeric leave and tomatoes,then saute them. Add tomatoes, tumeric leave, 500ml water, 500gr meat and salt. Cook until the meat becomes tender. It's just as simple as that.

I often omit tumeric leave because it's not always available in my kitchen, and prefer lean meat as opposed to sandung lamur (meat with more fat). Serve pangek gajeboh while it's still warm with white rice.

Developing a spiritual life, Pre-marriage guide: Becoming a leader in the family

2009-05-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

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As Ninta grows bigger, I could shift the burden of having huge responsibilities being her imam (=leader) bit by bit. To whom do I shift it? To Ninta herself of course, though I have to keep reminding her that she assumes more and more responsibilities for her own manner. If something goes wrong, no one else to blame but herself.

Ninta asked me a long time ago, why I used to remind her to do shalat fardhu (the five-time-daily prayers), why only her, what about her father? I explained that as a muslim mother, I became an imam for my children. I was responsible for, among other things, their education, meaning if one of them had to go to hell as a result of improper education then I went there too. The father became the imam for the whole members of the family. He himself had the responsibility to keep the family on the right direction.

I talked about the imam concept with my best friend, Dian Syarief, about three years ago. We were having breakfast at the Mercantile Club (Jakarta) early in the morning and discussing about many things including our friends who had divorced. Why were there so many parents split up? My opinion was that it became so much a reality that modern parents did not have sufficient knowledge about the magnificent imam concept anymore.

Young, smart and independent wives are busy wives. They are passionate about their career that they have started long before they get married. The husbands are hard-working too. Who is the imam in the family? Nobody?

Or perhaps a different scenario: the busy husbands, assuming the imam position, ask their wives to be not that busy anymore for the sake of the family. Wives don't really get the idea. They feel like they lose their freedom and become unhappy instead of trying to be more creative at home and at the same time develop a lot more passion for the family. Unhappy wives lead to unhappy families.

Or perhaps a more complex problem. There is a new person in the office. That person is good looking, charming, amazing, exciting and so on. Everyone and everything else in the house, who and which are supposed to be on the top priorities, become dull and meaningless.

If parents get divorce. What happened to the children? Raising children is a challenging task. Logically, it becomes a more difficult job if the parents get separated.
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My children, now you can see that it's very important to understand the imam concept since you are still young. It will hopefully unite your family together through difficult times in the future.

Preserving our culture, Good habit: I love Indonesian Products

2009-04-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

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I love Indonesian products (=Aku cinta buatan Indonesia) and I'm serious!!!

I always prefer local brands though I wear imported shoes too. There's an explanation for it.

These are what I have:

some locally made sandals
a pair of locally made jogging-shoes
four pairs of high-heel-shoes from a European brand.

Two pairs of the high-heel-shoes were bought 10 years ago. The third pair was a gift from my mother in law when she travelled to Singapore five years ago. The fourth pair was bought by my husband a few months ago. You can now see that I'm not a shoe collector. I choose that specific european brand because of it amazing durability, nothing else.

I've seen many people around me showing off their belongings which are imported from abroad: handbags, cosmetics, clothes, furniture, etc. Those imported things are, off course, look very nice and make people, who wear them, look splendid too.

What's wrong with Indonesian products? Many people would say that their quality are not as good as imported ones. I don't agree. In my opinion, those people are just not searching hard enough. I've found excellent and locally made handbags, cosmetics, clothes, furniture, jewelry, various kind of fruit even food supplement and one of my favorite places to shop is UKM Gallery: Preserving the Indonesian Heritage.
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April 24th 2009 was Aqmal's 9th birthday. We did not have a birthday cake. Why? It's because of the fact that Indonesia has to import flour continually in order to meet increasing demand on cakes, bread and noodles year to year. What's the alternative? Rice is the best answer, because Indonesia has a surplus in rice production and the government is proudly announcing the we are exporting rice starting this year.
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That day, we had a set of traditional meals : a lovely arrangement of nasi kuning (rice cooked with turmeric). As shown in the photo, it consisted of: nasi kuning (for 4-5 servings), gule ayam (chicken curry), empal daging (spiced and fried beef), sate udang bakar (shrimp barbeque), sate daging (beef barbeque), urap (vegetable sprinkled with spiced shredded coconut flesh), thin slices of telur dadar (egg), sambal goreng kentang dan hati (chicken liver and potato in chili gravy), perkedel (fried potato cake), sambal (chili sauce), kerupuk (crackers) and goreng kentang kering (spiced and fried potato). Hhmmm!!!

I attended another birthday invitation earlier this year. Mrs Mien Soedarpo celebrated her 85th birthday and held a party for relatives and close friend in her house in Jl. Pegangsaan, Jakarta. Besides lunch, guests also enjoyed an exhibition of:
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1. Mrs Soedarpo's old collection of batik
2. Her kain songket collection. 3. Paintings and photos of her families

4. Her wedding bed (in Minangkabau style) which has surprisingly been well preserved for so many years.

All showed her great efforts on preserving our culture. I love Indonesian products!!!

Early childhood: Tantrum 2

2009-03-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Real life parenting is also about dealing with tantrum. How to avoid young children from developing tantrum?

I have some tips based on personal experiences:

Spend much time with your children in order to develop a close attachment with them.
Do always speak softly and show attention to them. Never ignore your children.
Follow what the children like if necessary. Once, we bought a pair of blue jean trousers for our three year old daughter. She loved it very much and insisted to wear it all the time. One day, she cried out endlessly for hours as she found out that the trousers were being washed. Therefore we bought some more trousers, exactly the same model.
However there are also limits. We may not always fulfill what the children want. Communicate well and make plans with them. We might tell them that they could buy another new toy not today, but next month, cause we have to save up some money first.
Be creative! Young children always need something fun to play with. Get ideas to entertain them. Try the internet, books and everything else. Once they feel happy, they will less likely to develop tantrums.

Another blog award

2009-02-03T17:37:00.000-08:00

Thank you very much Budhe and mbak Fitra for this charming award. The award is being distributed among bloggers with an aim to encourage reading routine in our daily lives.

Ini PR/pertanyaannya :
1. seberapa sering anda membaca?
Reading is one of my hobbies. I read books and spend time to read informative websites every day
2. apa pentingnya membaca menurut anda?
Reading is a very important activity for everybody. It makes people smart.
3. seberapa besar pengaruh membaca buat anda?
I can't live without reading.
4. seberapa luas anda menyebarkan kebiasaan membaca?
I'm making sure that all my children also love to read and let my friends know which books are good for them to read as well.

Early childhood: Home learning

2009-02-02T17:30:00.000-08:00

There are two kindergartens not far from my house. The nearest one is just around the corner from our house and the other one is located on the nearest main street. I checked them out a few days ago, as Rania will turn 4 this coming June.

The nearest kindergarten, Al Kautsar, is an Islamic school as shown by its name. It is extremely affordable. To enter the school you only need to pay levy fee Rp750.000 and monthly tuition fee Rp70.000 (USD1=Rp11.000). What I like from this school is, despite its modest and crowded building, it allocates much time for the pupils to recite Al Quran.

The other school, Rising Star, is a much bigger, serene and sparkling building, complete with indoor as well as outdoor playing grounds, a swimming pool and a performing stage. The teachers teach in Bahasa Indonesia and provide an English lesson for 45 minutes every day, but unfortunately there is no Al Quran lessons. To enter this school you must pay levy fee Rp5.000.000 and monthly tuition fee Rp550.000.

So which school do my husband and myself choose for Rania? None.

I heve enlisted lessons that preschollers usually follow in kindergartens and decided to teach Rania my self at home. Those lessons are (please remind me if I miss out anything!):

drawing : the sun, mountains, flowers, houses, trees, people, fruits, etc
coloring
singing and dancing
story telling
learning : basic shapes (round, triangle, square, rectangle), antonyms, our body parts and organs
teaching appropriate behaviour
Personal hygiene
Physical education
Playing various toys
English language
Reciting short surah of the Al Quran
Social skills (thank you mbak Maya for reminding me about this most important subject!)
Reading and writing
Counting

I have de-cluttered the children's book shelves and put aside the ones needed for Rania. To make it easier on me, Ninta is also willing to do a part of the teaching job: English lesson, which is her favorite subject at school.

Various sites also give lots of help, such as:

Let's get started!

Another blog award

2009-02-02T06:17:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank my two new friends for these two lovely awards: mbak Lala and mbak Maya.

Saya masih punya PR mengirim 2 award tersebut ke teman blogger lain, harus mikir dulu beberapa malam nih...sabar yah.

Tugas untuk yang nanti dikasih awards adalah:

Pasang logonya di postinganmu. Jangan lupa link ke pemberi award ini.
Berikan lagi kepada sepuluh blogger lain (ada syarat tambahan untuk yang triple award, yaitu “who has great attitude and gratitude”).
Pasang link ke para penerima award.
Tinggalkan komentar untuk mereka.

Supporting the community, Early childhood, Good habits: Respect other people's lives, dignity and belongings

2009-01-21T09:12:00.000-08:00

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Aqmal always gave me his disagreeable look every time I gently asked him to stop doing certain things…things that young children elsewhere do when they gather and play together.

I, of course, felt unhappy seeing that look on his face, nevertheless I still had to keep reminding him. Until that morning…

That morning was as hectic as usual. Aqmal was putting on his socks in a rush and focusing his attention on his milk on the dining table which was still untouched. His school bus would arrive at any minute and he knew very well that I wouldn’t let him go without finishing his milk. Then I stood in front of him and said firmly: “Aqmal stop doing it!”. He was so busy that he didn't respond by giving that nasty expression. Only, his eyes stared sharply at me. I knew that he paid attention to what I said to him very clearly.

What did I forbid him to do? Quite many actually, but that morning I especially told him not to make fun of his friends’ names.

The other day, one of Aqmal's school friends called him "Aqmal Dilviandrot", instead of his proper name "Aqmal Dilviandri". Aqmal responded by doing the same thing to that boy and also to another boy. Making fun of a friend’s name may sound trivial to some people, but I don't think so. To me, a person's name is a part of his dignity.

I want my children to be able to cherish three things from other people :

Their lives
Their dignity
Their belongings

We all saw the Palestine vs Israel war that went on for about three weeks rom December 2008 until early January 2009 on TV news day and night. About 1.300 people died including civilians and young children. Many more were wounded. What about their belongings? Their houses? Their schools and everything else? So much destruction!
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I hope that my children could contribute something for our community and the world as well in order to be a much more peaceful place in the future.

Early childhood, Before high school: Identify and develop children's talent

2009-01-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

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I always look for ways to rouse the children's creativity. One way is by encouraging them to join various activities.

My eldest child had a quite long history of trying almost everything since she entered primary school. She tried music once. She started with a vocal lesson, then swiched to drum and quit not long afterwards. A few years later, I asked her if she would try a music lesson again, she answered firmly: "No".

She made a lot of sketches too, mainly about characters she saw in Japanese animation films. Therefore I sent her to a manga class to see if she was really into drawing or painting. I found out that she wasn't showing much interest during the class sessions.

She wasn't interested in any kind of sport either. Every one would agree by looking at her petite figure. She occasionally swims, though.

She tried a writing course that didn't last long either.

Finally she finished primary school while keeping these three things going:

Her interest in learning foreign languages. She speaks English fluently and has a plan to learn Japanese or Mandarin language. Hopefully she can start in the middle of 2009.
Abacus and mental arithmetic lesson. Ninta joined this course 7 years ago. The course was affiliated to a Malaysian organisation and run by our neighbor. She graduated recently though she had to take 2 to 3 month breaks for several times in between. I urged her to complete this course as it's not only improving children's mental arithmetic ability, but also other abilities like the ability to memorise, concentrate, listen and process information (which is linked to intelligence). It's a kind of investment that I could proudly add to her CV.
Blogging. As I was somehow certain that she had a talent in writing, I encouraged her to start blogging a year ago. Now, every time we plan a trip out of town, I always tell her that the trip is not for free but she has to write something special at her blog otherwise we are not going anywhere.

I actually had regrets every time Ninta failed on some lessons that she had joined. So much money was wasted. However, I had a good feeling too. I did my responsibility as a parent that was to help identify and develop children's talent.

Count your blessing: Having a new maid. What does a maid do at our home?

2009-01-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

Finally I have someone suitable to help me with the housework

Taking up the bulk of cooking, the daily care of the three children, the dirty clothes, the cleaning and other household chores were my typical frenzied days before the maid comes. It's all manual work: broom and wet-cloth for cleaning the floor, no washing machine (it's detergent, brush and my two hard-working hands) and everything else.

I tried my best to handle all. My strong feelings about having a spotless and clutter-free situation at home caused me to constantly think about the more efficient ways in getting all the work done. A maid is simply indispensable.

What does a maid do at our home?

1. She does the laundry. My husband wanted our kitchen to be equipped with a water purifier machine while most people around us prefer mineral water delivered regularly to their houses, but he never agrees on buying a washing machine. He may be right about it. A waching machine uses up more water than manual wash. The tropical sunshine is also terrific for drying wet clothes. This way, we've participated in energy conservation. What about the pile of laundry we have every day? I wash half of them while I take shower in the afternoon. It have become sort of a pleasing activity for me. My beautiful clothes (I wear muslim clothes and buy only one or two new carefully selected set/s a year), the children's after school clothes, rania's adorable clothes, pajamas are mine to wash. The maid does the rest.

2. She irons our clothes, because I never like ironing. I must admit that it is a very tough work. My eldest daughter re-irons her own dress whenever she has to go out too. If the maid takes a holiday, I just fold the clothes and let everybody, except Rania and Aqmal, iron his/her own clothes.

3. She sweeps and mops the floor every morning. I can't stand a single stain on the floor, but having perfect floor is impossible if we have a little child at home. Therefore I have to get involved again. I mop the floor here and there whereever blemishes appear.

4. She cooks vegetables. She makes sauted spinach, sauted kang kong, tofu soup, fried tempe, vegetable soup, potatoes with chili gravy (balado) for us. I prepare the meat, chicken, shrimp and fish. They may be grilled, sauted, steamed or deep fried. Good home made meals are always on top of the list.

5. She and I wash the dishes. We must share the work because dirty dishes almost never stop day and night. The children are always hungry.

6. She waters the plant in our tiny garden, one of my favorite places at home, in the morning. What is my contribution? I collect and turn kitchen waste into mulch, 100% organic, in order to have healthy soil. I exchange plants with my mother who also loves gardening. The above colorful photos show some results of our team work.
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I hope she enjoys working for my family.

Good habits: Choose your friends carefully!

2009-01-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

Our lives are all about making choices. Childhood as well as teenage years are certainly the best time to learn what to pick and choose.

My husband and I often tell our children, especially Ninta (our eldest child and a teenager), to carefully select their friends. We encourage them to make as many friends as possible and also tell them to keep away from badly behaved people.

Most of Ninta’s school friends are seemingly to be nice people. Whenever I meet them I always examine their characters too.

Two of Ninta’s friends are nephews, a boy and a girl. They are the smartest students at school. No wonder they are so smart, they invite private teachers to help them with school subjects (math, science, history) at home!

Ninta is not as diligent as them. Moreover, we never invite any private teachers, but their cleverness is somehow influencing Ninta. Her school grades are getting better from year to year and lately she even gets higher grades than them. That’s the benefit of making friends with smart people!

I’ve met the above girl who lives not far from our house and often goes to school together with my daughter. She’s a truly sweet and polite girl. Therefore I tell my daughter to be always nice to her. If she ever does something that troubles some one, I can guarantee that she does it unintentionally.

On the other hand, I’ve never met the boy, but based on Ninta’s description, I could conclude that he is a dominant type of person. 'Everything must be done his way'. He certainly does not fall into the bad person category, moreover he comes from a respectable family. I only warn Ninta that maintaining a close friendship with a bossy person like him could be exhausting, unless he manages to change himself bit by bit into a more agreeable person.

Choose your friends, be nice to them and enjoy your friendships!

Count your blessing: I'm thankful to the children

2008-12-26T05:19:00.000-08:00

Happy holidays!!!

I'm thankful to the children for giving me good news to start the holiday:

Aqmal (as always) comes out as the best student among all third graders in his school.
Ninta passes the written test and is now preparing for an interview in order to win a full scholarship offered by one of the most prestigious and expensive Senior High Schools in Jakarta. She expresses her gratitude by performing a prayer, then bowing down at my feet. I whisper at her ear: "Ahli surga (=the heir of heaven)".

We're not planning to go anywhere.

Ninta has just bought three novels: Twilight, Eragon and Eldest. She is all over the idea of making a restful and unruffled holiday.

Aqmal has been asking to have a new collection of computer games and films. This holiday is the perfect time to fulfil it.

I have new year resolution too. I'm going to have a more harmonious life in 2009 and have figured out four things to do:

Avoid consumptive life. No more overcrowded malls and fashion magazines. I know exactly what I need and where to buy it. I may need new shoes, handbags or clothes once in a while, but I'll stick to my schedule: one set of new cloth a year, a new pair of shoes and a new handbag every two or more years. No need to follow latest fashion. My choice is always simple and classic.
Avoid complications. It's nothing wrong if I decide to avoid complicated people too. They are the kind of people who get upset easily or are overloaded with problems (chores or debts). As a result, they will create awkward relationships. I would only pray for their happiness from now on.
Start thinking about a project that I can take on in order to help neighboors cope with the economic crisis.
Have a wider circle of friends who also have simple but meaningful lives.

Wishing you all the joy of the holiday season!

Ninta does only three things - eat, sleep and study -

2008-12-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

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The best seller "Laskar Pelangi" (laskar=soldier, pelangi=rainbow) is one of my favorite novels. It's full with humor and adventures, shows good moral lessons as well as interesting detailed description of Melayu (=Malay) traditions. As widely known, parenting children could often be a stressful job too, so I need to read good novels like this one to keep my mental healthy. I need inspirations. I need to laugh.

The other day, Ninta was reading a novel as well. However it's a wrong book at a wrong time.

I encourage my children to read books. We have many novels, all kind of books, also children story books in English as well as Indonesian. All are good books. The one that Ninta was reading, borrowed from her class mate, did not fall into those category. The timing wasn't right either.

"Focus on your study," that's what I told Ninta two weeks ago as she had just recovered from a terrible flu and had limited time to prepare for extremely important things:

Her school semester exam
Another test to get a full scholarship offered by one of the most prestigious and expensive private schools in Jakarta

I told her to study thoroughly, sleep whenever she needed to rest, and don't do anything else besides those two activities. I cooked special menu for her healthiness, and told her to focus on her study over and over again. It's only for two weeks after all.

The novel she was reading for two hours was an Indonesian novel about love. I somehow felt betrayed. Was I too hard on my daughter? I don't think so. I became this fussy just recently.

"Lintang hanya dapat belajar setelah agak larut karena rumahnya gaduh, sulit menemukan tempat kosong, dan karena harus berebut lampu minyak. Namun sekali ia memegang buku, terbanglah ia meninggalkan gubuk. Belajar adalah hiburan yang membuatnya lupa pada seluruh penat dan kesulitan hidup" (from the novel Laskar Pelangi)

"Lintang could begin to study after a bit late at night. His home was noisy. It's difficult to find an empty space and have the candle lamp for himself to study. However, once he held his book in his arms, his mind would fly away. Studying was his way to entertain himself, a way for him to forget all his weariness and burden in life." (from the novel Laskar Pelangi)

As opposed to Lintang, Ninta has all the convenience that she requires: AC, computer, internet connection, warm bed and good meals.

"Bukan baru sekali itu ia dihadang buaya dalam perjalanan ke sekolah. Dapat dikatakan tak jarang Lintang mempertaruhkan nyawa demi menempuh pendidikan, namun tak sehari pun is pernah bolos. Delapan puluh kilometer pulang pergi ditempuhnya dengan sepeda setiap hari. Tak pernah mengeluh.....Jika tiba di rumah ia tak langsung beristirahat melainkan segera bergabung dengan anak-anak seusia di kampungnya untuk bekerja sebagai kuli kopra. Itulah penghasilan sampingan keluarganya." (from the novel Laskar Pelangi)

"It was not the only time a crocodile blocked his way to school. He often risked his life in order to have education. Nevertheless, he never skipped school. He went on bike from and to school, an eighty kilometer journey, every day. He never complained. Once he got home, he would not rest either. He joined other kids in the village to work in a coconut factory. His wages was his family's other income." (from the novel Laskar Pelangi)

My daughter has the luxury of doing three things only: study, eat and sleep.

Therefore, I said firmly to Ninta:"I have to take your novel away. Get focus and study hard for the sake of your future. Two week time will be over soon. You are free to do whatever you wanna do afterwards.

Communication: Let's remind each other in the family

2008-11-02T06:06:00.000-08:00

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we remind each other in the family on any important things?

Parents may loss count on how many times they alert children in a day:
Children, finish your breakfast before the school bus arrives…
Children, don’t watch the TV too long…
Children, don’t forget to wash your dirty hand…
Children, don’t yell to your brother/sister…

What happen if children are the ones who remind parents? From personal experience, warnings from our children could sometimes be thrilling.

I couldn’t forget how Ninta (14 years old) politely conveyed her warning about me having red meat meals too often the other day. She also keeps on reminding her brother to response quickly whenever I ask the boy questions.
Her above warnings are absolute proof that she really understands the importance of maintaining good health as well as conducting proper manners and her polite way of communicating it is somehow related with her increasing skill at managing emotion. She's getting wiser, isn’t she?

My happiest moment was when she reminded me if I had done shalat (the five time daily prayers) lately. I felt like a million cause I couldn’t imagine such a query would finally come out of her mouth after I had been the only one who gave that kind of reminder in the family endlessly - not only once but 5 or 10 times or perhaps more every day - for so many years.

I‘ve learned a lesson from it. Being patient while leading the children to reach a goal in life is the best way in dealing with them. Grumbling to them won’t give the finest result.

Pre marriage guide: Does the number of children in a family determine how well parents raise their children?

2008-10-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

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Is there any correlation between the number of children a family has and how well parents raise their children? I better tell you about my exploration.

Nowadays, more couples whom I know very well, decide to have only one child. Some of my old friends whom I have met again in school reunions, my own sister, one of my nephews, one of my husband’s nephews…they all have only one child. However, the average number of children a family has is two, which is in accordance with the government's Family Planning program. On the other hand, I could still meet a few couples who have three or maximum four children. Their classic reason is always “We come from a large family and would like to have such large family too”. I feel relieved knowing that many people I have met so far are more or less the perfect picture of good parents.

My sister with her only child

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My concerns are those who belong in the low income society. In my hometown (Jakarta), they live in small houses – side by side with their neighbors’ houses – on narrow streets. How many children do they have? One child in a family is still undesirable. I see that younger couples would have two or three children. Older generation might already have five or even more children. Surprisingly there is one family in Bali who has 20 children! The 20th child was born in a hospital and was spread on local TV news widely.

In my neighborhood, there is also a religious organization with its own mosque and quite crowded community. They do not follow the family planning program.
One of them was my daughter’s former Quran private teacher, a friendly as well as hardworking lady and now has seven children. Another one else is an old lady who has four grown-up daughters and the oldest one has already had a family with five children. They all stay in the same house. Another one else is the man who sells cooking gas to us. Again he with his wife and four children, stay together with his parents in the same house.
I admire greatly something from them. Besides their financial limitation and many children, they could manage to protect their children very well. The children are well-mannered, not noisy, do not wander around on the streets. They go to public schools and I think that is the only place where their parents allow them to interact with other children outside their community.

I could conclude that the number of children in a family do not determine how well parents raise their children. I have seen well-behaved children from either small or large families. In addition to that, I have also seen well brought-up children from both high-income and low-income families. Then the question is: what makes a child become very naughty? As I have pointed out, it has nothing to do with the number of sisters or brothers the child has. The most logic answer is the parents who are lacking of parenting knowledge and skills. Don't you agree?

Developing spiritual life: I adore Ramadan by way of understanding simple math concept

2008-08-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

This post was published at "Helium - where knowledge rules"

To honor the holy month of Ramadan...

Allah is the Most Generous One, especially to us, the human beings. We can see Allah's generousity throughout Ramadan. During the thirty days of Ramadan, what ever good thing that we do will be rewarded abundantly.

One of my favorite things to do during the fasting month is reciting the Koran. Why?

The Koran consists of 6666 verses in its 114 surah. How much time do we need to finish reciting the whole book of Koran? A disciplined student in a pesantren can finish it within less than a month. A regular person needs much longer time: several months or years or perhaps a life time long. One thing to keep in mind is that there is a big reward for a person every time s/he finishes reciting the whole book of Koran (=khatam).
Ramadan offers extra bonuses. A fasting person in Ramadan, who recites just one verse, will get the same reward as reciting the whole Koran outside the fasting month. I read 50 verses on the first day of this Ramadan. If I manage to do it at the same rate in between my hectic household chores every day, then I will have read 30 x 50 verses = 1500 verses by the end of Ramadan. The reward is the same as if I completed the whole Koran 1500 times!!!

One other thing that excites me very much is shalat fardhu (the five time daily prayers). I often do it in a small musholla next to my house with such a peaceful feeling and even with a smile in my face, knowing that each shalat fardhu in Ramadan is rewarded 70 times the same shalat fardhu outside Ramadan.

Finally, there is a daily mission that I never want to skip. I love preparing snack and distributing it to at least five people I meet after midday. They could be children or sellers who pass the street where I live or my nearest neighbors. What kind of snack do I distribute? Any kind of simple meals: fruit, fried bananas, crackers etc. And why five people? A person, who provides somebody else with food or drink to break fasting, will get the same reward of doing fasting him/herself. That means, if I manage to keep distributing snack for at least five people every day, I will get a reward as if I fasted for an additional 30 days x 5 = 150 days by the end of ramadan!!!

What about you, my children?

Good habits: Don't talk on the phone too long!

2008-07-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Aqmal catches a new habit: calling up his closest school friend and talking on the phone too long. Someone else in the house has been doing it very often for some time. It’s Ninta and every time I remind her to get off the phone, she responds that her friends are the ones who make those phone calls. It makes me wonder all the time, why her friends’ parents let them make such lengthy phone calls. A phone call can last up to an hour. Don’t the parents ever get upset because of expensive phone bills?

One of real life parenting job is to guide children to be a responsible person. I consider a person who prefers talking on the phone too long so often as immature and those who cause expensive phone bills continually as immature plus irresponsible.
One day, I told Aqmal to end his phone call firmly. I had to tell him twice before he obeyed me. That same day, Ninta gave her usual respond when I told her not to talk on the phone too long. However, later on, her father found out that she was lying. It’s true that one of her friends made the first call, but then Ninta called that person back.

Ninta has been a good girl so far. Just like teenagers else where, she enjoys talking with friends face to face as well as on the phone. It becomes a temptation, too much a temptation that challenges her to lie. She takes advantage on my trust in her. I must not tolerate it.

I’ve told Ninta that lying is a very bad behavior and that she has to stop it. Finally, to make my parenting job easier, I will just disconnect the phone cable if I ever see someone talk on the phone too long again.

Pre marriage guide: Five reasons why parents must be able to cook

2008-06-18T06:57:00.000-07:00

I will have to make cooking a familiar task for each of my three children when they have grown up. My target is that they will be able to prepare at least 10 of their favorite food. It is also, as I 've told my oldest daughter, one of the five conditions I have stipulated for those who will be my daughter/son in laws (Pre-marriage: My future son/daughter in laws Part 1)!

There are five reasons why parents must be able to cook:

1. Home-made-meals are healthy meals. We all know the basic rules. No preservatives, no MSG, no coloring, choose only good sources of fat, lots of vegetable and fruit. Unlike restaurant food, our home-made spaghetti sauce will be full of ground meat which is required by young children, our fried-rice has more eggs, chicken cuts as well as peas, and so on.

2. Home-made meals are more economical. For the same amount of money, we can have more portion of food at home than eating out.

3. We become independent and creative parents. We don't depend on somebody else in order to be able to eat. We can also get cooking ideas from everywhere: a cooking show on TV, our neighbors’ party food, any leftover in the fridge, etc.

4. We can control our craving for unhealthy food. If we have had a good eating habit going on for sometime, we will automatically limit our choice of meals only on healthy ones.

5. Our kids may also be interested in joining us in the kitchen. This way we inherit them our healthy, independent, creative and efficient lifestyle

What about restaurants or ordering a delivery? New restaurants appear all around us all the time. They offer, of course, perfect food besides extraordinary atmosphere, but let’s just save them for special occasions.

Early childhood: Create happy moments with your child/ren each morning

2008-05-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

How young children wake up in the morning will determine their mood for most of the daytime. Young children who start the day in a happy mood, will most likely remain happy children for the rest of the day. In contrary, a child who wakes up with lots of whimpers will continue whining until someone does various extra efforts to cheer him/her up. Some children will even keep on sitting on their parents' laps and being miserable for at least the first half of the day.

Parents play a very important role in creating such a happy atmosphere at the time young children wake up in the morning.

Healthy children will love waking up to:
A happy greetingSmall children are very dependent on their parents. The first thing they do as soon as they are awake is look for their parents. They may continue calling their parents loudly to come to them immediately. I advice parents not to ignore them but to come right away and greet them cheerfully with a hello, a kiss, a hug and perhaps also a cheerful song.
A happy faceThe happiness shown on the parents' face while greeting and talking to children is something they will always remember. It is infectious too. Happy parents will create happy children. Happy children will in turn create a happy world to live in. Isn’t that wonderful?

What if a child keeps on whimpering and being sad as they wake up in the morning? What could be the problem? Based on personal experience, I could conclude three explanations as follows:

The child is still very sleepy.The child was probably up till late the night before. If this is the case, the only advice I could give is try to get the child back to sleep gently. It is important to get the child follow the normal sleeping pattern step by step for the next couple of days.
The child has an unfulfilled wish. A child whines and asks for something continually. The child perhaps asks for the same clothes he/she wore yesterday or demands to go out somewhere. I can say that this case is a combination of another improper bed time scheduling plus a lack of communication between parents and the child. Besides introducing the child to a proper bed time schedule over again, I advise parents to build a close communication with him/her. Parents must show their love to children, always listen to what they say and talk to them as often as possible. Parents may also want to accompany children for some minutes on the bed each night to read to them as well as talk about a plan for tomorrow. Provide the children with some interesting but simple ideas to do tomorrow. The next morning, they will wake up happily knowing that something interesting is going to happen. Perhaps the children will still be a bit fussy over their unfulfilled wish, but with parents' guide through good communication this problem can soon be solved. Children who has enough sleep and good communication with parents will grow into agreeable children and rarely develop a tantrum.
The child is not feeling very well. A sick child may appear inactive, soundless and eat less than usual. Symptoms of an illness are sometimes not obvious on the very first day. Parents will think that the child is still very sleepy. It happens quite often to small children because of their immature immune system. I think the way that a child refuses to eat food offered to him/her is already a sign for parents to be curious and take precautious protection towards the child's physical condition.

Expertise and morality first!

2008-04-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

Prita is one of my husband's nieces. She goes to an international school in Jakarta: Sekolah Pelita Harapan in Sentul area. She has just completed year 11 and will continue to year 12 in Malaysia. My family went to a farewell gathering at her parents' house this afternoon.

There was also a guest speaker, who came all the way from Solo (Central Java) by plane to attend this special occassion. He delivered a speech full with advices and something in his speech struck me.

Indonesia used to become one of Malasian people's destinations to continue their study, but now, it has been the other way around.

What has happened to Indonesia?

The guest speaker said that most Indonesian people have been having a wrong orientation. People go to universities to get certificates for the sake of money that they will get in the future. Only very few people are really focusing to become competent in the fields that they are learning.

I have no doubt. If money has long been on the top list of our people’s mind, we can already see its result everywhere: mismanagement and corruption. Those two things are really happening, aren't they?

Parents!!! Aren't we getting tired of hearing news about poverty and criminality? Can we change it? I'm sure we can.

Let’s educate our children the right way. Expertise and character education (morality) should come first. Let’s start it within our own family. Let’s start it today. Let’s make a better future for our country!!!

Supporting the community, Good habits: Support each other in the family

2008-03-02T02:36:00.000-08:00

Who financially support Uti?” That was a question raised by Ninta one afternoon.

Uti is my grandmother and already reaches 92 years old this year. She has quite good vitality that enables her to keep on being independent. She is very diligent and helpful. She always smiles and likes to sing because she has a beautiful voice. Her husband used to work in a government office. After her husband retired, they stayed abroad: Amsterdam then Beograd, while Uti worked heading the household staff in the Indonesian ambassadors’ residences in those two countries. Her husband passed away while they were in Amsterdam. Moving back to Indonesia years later, she worked for the same kind of job at the residence of one of Indonesian conglomerates.

Later on, she does not work anymore and stays with an old maid in Bandung. Her closest families (i.e. my father and her two grandchildren: my older sister and myself) live in Jakarta (about 200km away from Bandung). Uti depends on monthly pension funds from the government since then, but it isn't enough.

I answered to Ninta: “Kiki (my father), as her only child, has been supporting her financially this whole time.” Ninta looked at me with eyes full of surprise.

I decided to explain about the importance of family ties to Ninta from that moment on. Family members can live far away from each other, but they should remain our best interest and if possible we provide assistance to whom in need. Money is not the only thing that we can share with our family.

There was a time when my sister planned to buy a house for her to live in with her only daughter (my sister was a working-single-parent at that time). I had money to contribute and that was the only time I could supply her with money. Since then, I could only give her presents on her birthday or at Idul-Fitri day. It must not always an expensive present, a blouse for 100,000.- rupiahs (USD1=IDR9,500.-) will do just fine. Occasionally, I also share a little allowance money not more than 50,000.- rupiahs, not for my sister, but for her daughter.

Whenever I visit somebody’s house, I always bring something, from a small plant in a pot for my sister, a box of skim-milk for my mother and my mother-in-law, to fruit or home-made-meals for other relatives.
I would also do my best to prepare some quick snacks for relatives who come by to our house, either to serve it immediately or for them to bring home.

With little money or even without money at all, we must try hard to stay close with our family by being always a down-to-earth person, exchanging news with them and showing our love and attention.

It's a character we should preserve within our own family and show to other people in order to build a more caring society.

My mother, my children, my sister's family

Good habits: Eat and rest properly

2008-02-17T02:28:00.000-08:00

Rania has a fever again. The pattern has always been the same. It is either Aqmal or Ninta who gets the flu first. Although I try to quarantine the sick person in the bedroom, in just a few days Rania catches the same disease too.

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Children will have develop 50 percent of their maximum brains’ size by the time they reach 3 years old. Keeping their body healthy during that period is very vital. Therefore I constantly remind Ninta and Aqmal to keep healthy by eating and resting properly. If they are fit all the time, they are less likely to pass on diseases to Rania.

Eating properly means having breakfast, lunch and dinner plus fruit and milk as much as necessary. Resting properly means 8 hours of sleeping at night. That is the only time when human body’s defense system produces antibody. Taking a nap in the afternoon is not a substitute for this purpose.

I have to admit that sometimes I cannot handle the three children all by myself. There are days that I feel energized, goal-minded and have the right kind of self-discipline to follow all the busy routines. However. There are also times, fewer times luckily, when I feel like I become emotional easily and prefer not to do anything.

Each of the children has their own demands.
Ninta drinks plain milk only from a particular brand: ‘Nasional’. Nasional milk is delivered to our house every afternoon. If the delivery does not come, then I have to see what we have in the house in order to prepare milk that resembles the taste of either expresso or cappuccino. One glass of milk in the morning and another glass at night. She cannot take more than that. I have to constantly remind her to drink up her milk, otherwise she will ignore it. She does not want cold milk that comes right out of the refrigerator. The National milk does not stay fresh for more than three hours at room temperature either. She likes yoghurt, but since I have not found yoghurt products that do not contain artificial colouring, so I seldom buy yoghurt for her.
Aqmal, on the other hand, drinks five or more glasses of milk from which ever brand every day. Therefore we always keep boxes of chocolate milk for him. He always looks for fruit juices, yakult, lemon-tea in the refrigerator. He likes to eat something sweet. Bread with chocolate filling, biscuits, cereal etc.
Rania is more like Ninta. She doesn’t like milk, therefore, using a small glass (actually it is her toy-glass, about 10ml in volume), I scoop the content of two glasses of milk to her mouth every day. Her father chooses an imported brand for her. She sometimes asks for soft drinks, but I give her tea with sugar instead.
Aqmal’s choices of fruit are limited to bananas and apples. If we don’t have them, at home, then I have to prepare lime juice for him to bring to school. Ninta likes to have tomatoes and strawberries. Another kind of fruit that has to also be available in our house is papaya, because it is the most common fruit for little kids in order to avoid constipation. A portion of smashed papaya mixed with the juice from one orange has always been our (Rania and me) starter in the morning.
Bananas, papaya, limes and oranges are easy to get from small groceries stalls in the neighborhood. The father buy the other kind of children’s favorite fruit whenever he has to go to a supermarket. I don’t think I have time to go to supermarkets anymore.

Preparing snack for after nap time is actually one of my favorites. Snacks are simple to make and the children love them. The snack in our home may include chocolate jelly with various kind of sauces, egg sandwiches, crepes, roasted banana springkled with cheese and chocolate chips, or if I feel tired I would just serve ice cream.

What about the main meals? Rice, sauted vegetable and either deep fried fish, chicken teriyaki or fried tofu with kecap are the easiest ones to pack for Ninta’s and Aqmal’s lunch at school. For dinner, sauted prawn are their favorite choice. Sometimes, If I’m don’t feel too tired, I would prepare more fancy meals.

I put a lot of work serving food for the family to stay healthy. It breaks my heart whenever someone gets ill (A mother's prayer: Every time the children get sick)
Now, I think I have to give a hard lesson for Ninta because it is her who has made Rania sick this time.
First, 10 o’clock is strictly bed time, no more delays!
Second, Ninta has to be responsible for preparing rice porridge for Rania!
I am glad that she obeys me.

This way, money will come to us sooner or later...

2008-01-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

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Recently, Ninta told me what she wanted in the future. She said that she wanted to work in a company that paid high salaries to its employees. I wasn't surprised. I used to have the same wish sometimes back then, but I never mentioned it to anybody.

Now, I think I need to open her mind that it's wrong to associate happiness with having a great deal of money and that there would be many serious issues related to high salaries. I've done the following steps for her:

First of all, I advise her that it is not wise to start looking at the future by wanting much money. It is better to focus on self-development and giving contribution to others, especially the people around her: her close relatives, neighbors, school friends, work colleagues etc. This way, money will come to us automatically sooner or later.
I ask her her to re-define her definition of happiness. We don't have to be rich first in order to manifest happiness. Happiness is something we have to find within ourselves now, not any where else, not only in the the future. Knowing exactly what we love to do is the first step to have a content life. The next step is start doing what we love to do as well as explore the possibilities of what we can achieve in the future by doing it continually from now on.
I tell her about the working condition within a big company. A company that offers high salaries surely has to be a big and successful one. It has high income (from selling its products or services) and therefore is able to pay its employees very well. Unlike a big company, a smaller business entity does not have that high level of income, consequently cannot pay the same amount of salaries. A big company also attracts lots of people. It leads to competition to win a job there. One other serious thing is that a big company demands its employees to perform well in order to remain successful in the industry. Performing well could often include working hard or working under pressure.
My other advice is that if she thinks she can tolerate that kind of very challenging working environment, she must be sure that she gets her husband’s permission (once she gets married) to continue working and that her family as well herself must remain always happy.
My final advice for her is not to forget about starting her own business as well. This way she will have favorable options whenever she has to make a choice in further steps of her life. Who knows her business might turn out to be a successful one!

Good habits: Tidiness

2007-11-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who was also my colleague in the same office for years before we both resigned. Now she is involved in running a non-profit English language teaching club in Jakarta. The other day I called her to find some information about the club. I was wondering if the club was suitable for Ninta. Our conversation went on and I happened to mention about Ninta’s habit that I was trying to rectify.

Ninta repeatedly walked out of the bathroom leaving all the bottles (liquid soap, shampoo, hair conditioner, facial foam, etc) messed up. My friend explained that it needed time to lead someone to tidiness. She further admitted that even until that day she still had a similar problem. Whenever she put on loose powder on her face, the powder would disperse around every where!

I remembered someone else. When I was around the age of 20 and still a university student, I usually shared my bedak dingin (Indonesian traditional face treatment powder) with my room-mate. Bedak dingin is made out of rice-grains and other herbal ingredients, crushed and compacted into small balls. One ball of powder is sufficient for a single usage. Mix it with a little water in a bowl, then put the light mixture all over the face. That was what I did after taking a bath in the afternoon. I left almost no trace of powder in the bowl. My room-mate always took more than a ball and made more than the required amount of mixture which is also to thick. She covered her face with only half of it. The leftovers became hard and wasted!
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Untidiness is a very serious issue! What will Ninta be like when she is 20 or 40 years old if I let her cause clutter in the bathroom and possibly somewhere else too? I reminded her many times to put bottles back to where they belong but she did not change.

After sometime, I realized that perhaps the timing was not right. I should say it not long after she finished taking a bath and was already busy with something else, but precisely as she walked into the bathroom! Then maybe the words would give more impact on her memory. The first time I did it, yes it worked! The bottles were back in order. The second time I did it, it worked again!

Now the bathroom problem has been solved, but I will not stop here. I still have to remind her from time to time specifically not to mess up the bath room anymore.

Parents' mistake: Wrong priority

2007-10-29T19:04:00.000-07:00

Buya Hamka (1908-1981), born in Meninjau (West Sumatera), was one of the Indonesian Islamic intelligent figures. He was a very productive journalist, novelist, teacher and politician. More than 113 books were written throughout his life, including his monumental work 'Tafsir Al Azhar', which has also been published in Singapore and Malaysia.

My daughter’s school (the same school where her father finished primary and secondary education) organizes an annual big event to commemorate this highly respected man. One of program is an English Speech competition with the topic on Buya Hamka himself. This year, my daughter became the first winner.

Ninta got home with a big trophy and money prize. Now that I have nothing else on my mind except the children, I appreciated deeply what she did, giving the money to me. It was not the money, but her attention that touched me very much. Actually it was the second time she brought home money prize.

The first time was when she was still in 5th grade and won an English quiz competition. That time, I was sort of a different person and felt different accordingly. My brain was preoccupied by many other things and I misplaced priorities. Ninta’s money prize was not a big deal for me. What could make me happy at that time? I wasn’t sure.

Children, don’t let my mistake happen to you. Once you have a family, keep your mind on your family first because it deserves your abundant love and caring. Don't get overwhelmed with anything else. Do keep the feeling of togetherness in your family.

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Make everyone in the family a happy person and in turn they will make you the happiest person in the world.

Early childhood: Tantrum 1 (speak softly)

2007-09-21T22:18:00.000-07:00

Rania is always awake until midnight. I usually let her watch the TV alone till she feels sleepy. She has been like this for several days. My husband and I have discussed the way to bring her asleep early. I've been trying to cut down her siesta time in the afternoon. However it's has no effect yet.

That night Rania’s father decided to turn the TV off . It was already 2 o'clock midnight. Rania demanded to still be able to watch her favorite film. When her father brought her to bed, she cried and screamed. We just let her cry. Suddenly she climbed up a 1.8-meter-high dresser. I had to hold her legs from below to prevent her from falling down. Then she wanted to go to the bathroom. I carried her there. She still sobbed and looked at a liquid soap bottle. “I am putting the soap into my eyes”, she said.

I took her hands and whispered in her ears: "I'll take you to a mall tomorrow". She said "no".
"I'll take you to play swing and slide in the park tomorrow". She said "no".
"Let's pick your favorite dress and put it on". She said "no" again.
"Let's find a box and put something inside it so that you can sleep in it". She nodded finally.
We walked out of the bathroom and went to the other room to take a plastic container where I usually put dry clothes. I spread a thick blanket over it and put a pillow. Rania got herself into the bed that I had just prepared and made herself ready to sleep.

Children need us, they need us to speak softly with them, rather than forcing our way in dealing with them.

Early childhood: Brushing teeth and feeding

2007-08-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

The other day, Aqmal told me that he remembered how I used to talk whale to him when he was very small. Dori (in "Finding Nemo") had given me the idea. Whenever little Aqmal got ready to bed without brushing his teeth first, I would immediately scream to him :

AAQMMMAALL YYYUU MMUSSTT BBRRUUSSH YYYURR TTIITTTHH

Although I had to scream with a croaky voice like crazy for about five minutes almost for a week, I am happy with the result. Aqmal did not often miss brushing his teeth anymore and the best part was that this learning method became a sweet memorable moment for him.

Another demanding parenting task is feeding children as young as 1 to 4 years old.
Each of my children has almost never given me an easy way to do it. The picture of having little kids sit nicely and finish their meals served on the dining table, does not happen in my home.

Therefore, as usual, I have to equip myself with entertaining ideas.

One way is by watching their favorite films together. I must try hard to keep my mind relax while watching the same film over and over again. Whenever the child's favorite parts of the film come to play, we look at each other eyes and laugh together. Human interaction is really important here. Once I let something else occupied my mind, the whole eating process will be frustrating for me. The child will soon notice it and won't be able to enjoy the rest of the film as well.

A one-year-old child will be amazed through out one whole film, therefore the process of eating will probably take not more than an hour. Whereas, a bigger child is more likely to get bored after sometime. The child may need at least two different activities simultaneously. He demands a film to be played continuously and knows exactly when to get focus back to the film. He keeps on listening to the film but also moves from playing toys to reading books, back to the toys, then to something else.

One of my friends used to let her toddler play with water every meal time until the child got bored. One of my neighbors' lunch time ritual was to put her child on a three-wheel bike and follow her around.

When the child reaches 5 years old, then it is the time to learn table manner bit by bit.

Communication, Good habit: Be exist for every one

2007-07-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

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Ninta, thank you for listening to my advice. I am really grateful.

It began when I watched another episode of The Oprah Show years ago. The guest speaker said that if you had somebody around you, then you had to exist for them. Meaning, those people had to feel that you were sitting close to them and paid attention to them. I conveyed that beautiful message to Ninta, who was still in primary school, right away.

We always have Oma (Grandma), Tante (Auntie) Ade and a few other relatives visit us occasionally. That is the best moment to put words into practice.

I told Ninta to greet them, sit with them, then think of at least three questions to start a communication with every one. Simple questions would work perfectly:
"How are you feeling, oma?" "How is everybody, tante Ade"
"Are you eating a lot, oma?" "Does it rain a lot in Kemang lately, tante Ade?"
"Where have you been the past few days?" "Are you very busy lately, tante Ade?"

We don't have to be a genius to open a conversation with people!!!

I can already see the good result on you, Ninta. May God bless you with such warm character that make people love to have you as their company.

Aqmal, Rania, I'll teach you the same thing when your time comes.

Early childhood: Every time the children get sick

2007-06-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

Keeping the children healthy in body and mind is my top priority. But no matter how committed to health preventive I am, the children will suffer from diseases occasionally, especially young children.

It was Monday night that I felt Rania was slightly warmer. I thought it was normal.

The next morning, I did not notice anything different from her except that she ate less and looked tired. There had been something like pimples appeared on her forehead and below her lower lip. I still thought there was nothing serious. I let her played with a bucket of water in the bathroom. In fact, those were early signals.

Tuesday afternoon, she run a fever. We called Bibi Sasa, Tante Ema and Kang Dicky for advices. She had chicken pox. The pimple-like things emerged a lot more on her skin. I stayed besides her for days, soothing her from the itchiness, so much painful mouth ulcers and everything else that made her uncomfortable.

Saturday afternoon, the fever as well as the ichiness stopped, but the agonizing sprues continued and made her very cranky.

Monday morning, Rania became slightly active, showed more appetite, however she still cried from time to time. She had her first shower. Regal biscuit smashed in milk was still the only menu.

Wednesday, the sprues began to heal.

The best help I could give whenever the children get sick, are prayers:
"May the children get well soon. God, please give them perfect health in body and mind till the rest of their lives and may them be grateful for it. May they get the best educational facilities. May they be blessed with prosperity. May they be given perfect spouses and blessed with wonderful child/ren in the future. May the children succeed to heaven."

Good habits, Developing a spiritual life: Loving a job

2007-04-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Ninta, Aqmal, Rania, I have some advices for you once you have a job in the future:

1. Always start your work with inspiration. Remember Kiki (in the animation film "Kiki's Delivery Service)? For once she almost lost her witch's power and could not fly on her broom. She was told by Ursula that it was because she was not flying with her heart, she did not have that kind of inspiration or joy anymore once flying became her job. Therefore choose a job that you love and keep yourself falling in love with it.

2. Don't ever get angry at people, be it your subordinates, clients and all. Anger only cause more problems. In the past people used to think that IQ (intelligence quotient) was the only important thing. Not anymore now. SQ (spiritual quotient) is always on top of everything else, then followed by a balance between IQ and EQ (emotional quotient).

If a problem arises, focus on how to solve it and to avoid the same problem from re-occuring again. Remember the Fairy Godmother (Shrek 2)? After the commotion that Shrek-Donkey-Puss caused in her poison-factory, what she said was : "I don't care whose fault this is, just make this room cleaned up". I think that is the only part of her throughout the whole film that is good for us to follow, without the high tone in her voice of course.

3. Develop your social skills. Enhance your ability to cooperate with people who are different from yourselves. At the end you will have energy for more constructive ideas.

4. Recite surah Al Waqiah every day.

5. Don't forget that everything at home needs your full attention too, therefore you need to learn to manage housework as well.
I will give you a chance to practice it. Each of you will be given two days (Saturday-Sunday) every month to practice. Let's say today is January. The first weekend is Ninta's turn to take care of the housework. It includes preparing nourishment, cleaning the house, organizing a family-get-together and everything else. The following Saturday-Sunday is Aqmal's turn. Rania's chance is on the third weekend. Then the first weekend in February is Ninta's time again, and so on.

6. Do not ever forget to allocate charity money (zakat maal)

May God bless you with such good characters and the ability to balance between work and family life.

Who will be my suture son/daughter in laws? Part 2

2007-03-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

Having a happy family and adorable children will complete your life. Therefore, go find Mr/Mrs Right once your are settled. I have five conditions for those who will be my son/daughter in laws as stipulated below. I have told Ninta about those conditions and she agrees so far (Pre marriage: My future son/daughter in laws part 1).

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1. S/he has to be a mature, friendly and down to earth type of person.

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2. S/he has to be able to cook. Doesn't mean that person has to be an excellent chef, but at least can cook about 10 different meals. Be it fried rice, fried chicken, steamed fish, egg balado, soup etc. Nourishment is one of the human basic needs. Once you have a family, you will be allocating most of your money on meals. Making yourselves depend on other people to serve meals all the time will only cost more money. Both of you can also work together on the daily menu and make cooking a fun activity for your child/ren.

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3. S/he speaks English fluently. This way, you can speak to your child/ren in English at home, then send them to a different foreign language class.

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4. S/he has a plan to have two sources of income and will do the best to make it happen. Let's picture it. Ninta's husband works in an office. He also has an ice cream maker machine and hire somebody to sell the ice cream. Perhaps Aqmal's wife is an English teacher and also manage a popular website. What about Rania's husband? He could be somebody who also works in an office and run a healthy message outlet.
But please do remember children, if your husband or wife has two sources of income, you might as well do the same thing.

5. S/he has to put the five pillars of Islam into practice in his/her daily life.

I wish you all the best!!!

Who will be my future son/daughter in laws? Part 1

2007-02-03T18:25:00.000-08:00

I have seen quite many relationships between parents and children are torn apart because the children have choosen to marry some ones whom are not approved by the parents. In some other cases, children obey their parents to leave the ones they have fallen in love with. In other scenarios, parents are the ones who finally agree with their children's choices.

I sometimes wonder if one of the above three cases will ever happen between me and each of my children in the future? If yes, then I will most likely choose the third scenario. I will give freedoms to my children, but that is only after I apply my own strategies! What strategies do I have? Here they are:

I'll do my best to be very open with each of my children as they grow up.
How to do that? I simply enjoy as much as possible the time when I have the children gather around me. Conversation will automatically pour out, laughter will always follow, and it feels like there's no secret or anything else hidden between us.
I will have to know their friends and will let them know whom among of their friends are considered good and whom are not.
By the time they finish primary school, I will continually remind them that I have a set of conditions for those who are going to be my son/daughter in law (My future son/daughter in laws Part 2).
I've been practicing it with Ninta and so far she agrees with those conditions. She even adds more requirement, like the one she's going to marry must be a good looking guy.
There is also "The Law of Attraction" theory. I have watched The Secret DVD and a talk about it in The Oprah Show. My husband has also taught Ninta about this theory.
Ninta understands it very well. Once she followed a three day pesantren kilat (a spiritual course) at her school. She didn't cry when one night the councelors performed a talk which caused all her friends - boys and girls - cry. They were made to imagine as if something bad had happened to their own parents. Instead Ninta managed to focus her mind on something else as she understood very well that thinking of something bad would really attract it to happen. Her friends then commented that she had a solid heart like a rock.
I also agree that is how we will find our husband/wife. According to the Law of Attraction theory, somebody's energy draws in another person with the same energy level. A nice person will draw in a nice person. A troublesome person will draw in a badly-behaved person too, and so on. That's why my husband and I do not allow our children to be involved with someone yet. Not if they are still immature persons. By the time they become grown ups and could support themselves financially, then they will be allowed to start serious relationships.

Though there is still a long way ahead to see whether the above steps could be proven a success story or not, but so far it works well with Ninta. Now, at the age of 14 and while some of her school friends are already seeing some ones, my daughter knows where to better focus her mind. She has told me that she wants to concentrate on her study and get a scholarship to continue studying abroad and also not to have a boyfriend yet.

Wish me success!!!

Pre-marriage guide: A working-mom or a stay-at-home-mom? Do your best!

2007-01-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

This post has been edited especially for Tip Junkie

I watched the 'Oprah Show' the other day. The topic was 'Stay at home moms vs Working moms' and it was an episode I couldn't forget.

I was once a mother who also had to devote my time and energy for my career path. On the other hand, my husband had long wanted me to quit working. After so many years, I finally agreed and my life was changing. I struggled at home for sometime. Fortunately it didn't take very long till I managed to get used to the new environment.

The above mentioned Oprah episode showed some women of the two groups: stay at home moms and working moms. Each of them illustrated her daily life with the children and expressed her feeling about it, whether she felt happy or unhappy. Most women felt that the role they took on was better than the one of the opposite group.

The best part was when a psychologist gave some advise as follows:
1. We could be a stay at home mother or a working mother, as long as it was a decision made by ourselves.

2. Our goal here was not to get everything in life, but to make ourselves suitable with what we had chosen.

So mothers who are having a change in their lives and experiencing such a conflicting emotion like I once had, don't get panic. Stick with the decision you have taken. You'll soon find a way for a smooth transformation.

Based on personal experience as a busy working mother, I would like to share some tips in order to have our family well taken care of:

1. Parenting tasks must remain our first priority. It means that we need to work smart, be effective and go home from the office at a decent hour.

2. We have to comply with work pressure as well, therefore arm ourselves with patience, great patience. Take control over our temper, before we lose it!

3. Take charge on arranging daily menu for the whole family, because our family's health and well being are our responsibilities.
Firstly, always prepare healthy snack and drinks especially for the children at home. Milk and fresh juice are the best nutritious drinks. We can add other favorite drinks as well, like a glass of lemon tea or yogurt. I never buy soft drinks. Children might prefer to have soft drinks whenever we eat out, but not at home.
Secondly, don't eat out too often. Restaurants' food contains much fat, cholesterol, unhealthy cooking oil, MSG, food color, preservatives. Keep them for only special occasions (celebrating birthdays, etc) or tough days when we don't have the energy nor the mood to cook.
Thirdly, stick to easy-to-make meals during week days and more fancy meals for weekends.

4. Don't forget multi-vitamins for us as well as the children

5. Always have a hobby and find a time to do it regularly.

6. Don't forget to check on children's progress at school. Maintaining regular contact with all their teachers is also important in order to obtain positive input for their achievement and look for a way to solve any problem pertaining to the children's learning activities.

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If, on the other hand, we decide to stay at home (this is a far better choice), get prepared:

1. We must be able to enjoy our time at home. Don't go out too often. We might need to buy groceries, but the question is how often? From personal experience twice a week is a reasonable schedule.

2. Manage our time to handle family matters. We have children to take care, a house to clean up, children's school affair to deal with, doctors' appointment to meet, etc.

3. Whenever we need to refresh ourselves by going out somewhere, we better do it together with the whole family members.

4. Don't lose contact with friends! We are at home most of the time and stay close with our family, but - without doubt - are unable to survive without good friendships.

There are many ways to maintain contacts with friends through phone calls, e'mails, facebook or other networking sites, blogging, sending gifts, etc.

Meeting friends face to face is also important, but again the question is how often? Try to schedule only a friend (we may include relatives here too) to meet every week. So this week we visit A, next week we meet B, the following week we go to another friend's house, and so on.

I like making schedules and plans. They're challenging, help us simplify our lives and make us a very reliable person. Groceries shopping twice a week and meeting friends/relatives once a week. The rest of our time is family time whether we spend it at home or some other places.

5. The most important thing is that we have to develop our knowledge too. This is a way to keep stimulating our mind. There's so much valuable information we could get on the internet, books, radios or TV.

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6. Make ourselves a source of knowledge for the children. I regularly share my spiritual knowledge via SMS with my eldest child, mostly during midday while I have flexible time and she is at school. I also teach my preschoolers basic education: names of the body parts, the alphabets, new vocabularies, kids songs and many other things.

7. Make our home as comfortable as possible for the whole family. We may perhaps have limited income as opposed to families who have two sources of income, but no matter what our home needs good quality and lost-lasting furniture. Buy it piece by piece. It is a way to invest money.

8. One final thing, as I always tell my children: don't forget to think about starting their home based business in the future. No hurry though! We will have more time for ourselves as the children grow bigger. That's the perfect time to develop the business.

Children needs must come first. Devoted love and perfect care are what children need in the earlier stages of their lives.